wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
