peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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