In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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