i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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