sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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