yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
