Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
