Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
