I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
