i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
