You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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