Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
