I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
