I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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