I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
