I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
