Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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