Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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