you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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