you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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