It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
