I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
