i don't like sucking hair
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
