just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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