Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
