You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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