Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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