I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
