I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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