Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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