We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize