i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
