i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
