I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
