I accidentally burped into my bong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
