I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
