i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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