remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
