it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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