@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
