for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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