Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I could fuck to npr.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
