so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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