What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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