clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
