If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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