I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
