How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
