Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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