Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
